During 2003...
During 2002...
During 2001...
During 2000...
Window on My Life
  Last update:  May 2010

Sunday, August 6, 2000

I have made some decisions! 

Wait!  I had better step back and explain....for it has been a long hard road to this point. 

I have always felt like there were two 'parts' to me: 
My Mind which constantly sought the quickest, easiest way to get something done; always quick to rationalise my methods, justify the results and blame the circumstances when things did not work out the way I expected.  I ... hmmm, that brings me onto the second 'part' of me...
My Spirit.  The whisper in my very being that would never be silent, always reminding me of my truth, always exposing to me the folly of my thinly veiled laziness.  That aching emptiness across the years of my life that I could not fill with anything but true passion, coupled with a relentless drive to make happen the requests of my Soul.

For as long as I can remember, this Mind-Spirit dichotomy has consistently created discontent in my world.  This discontent has pushed me, compelled me to always move forward, to try again, to keep searching until I would uncover something... some hidden secret, some invisible truth.  As long as I was searching, there was some inner satisfaction that I was on the right path - that some day the secret would be there, right in front of me, and I would know.  But when I turned my attention to the easy pathway, the comfortable life and stopped following the requests of my Soul, somehow I wasn't happy for very long.  I never felt complete.  I did not feel fulfilled.  And that empty yawn would open up inside me, and I would find myself falling back into the chasm of discontentment.

It seemed that I could not be both content, and happy, at the same time.  Why was this the case?

So I would start again.  Driven by the feeling of emptiness that what I was doing was not adding real value.  Fuelled by the knowing that somewhere, someday, that secret would be available to me.  That when I found it my life would suddenly be different.  And I would be happy!

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