During 2003...
During 2002...
During 2001...
During 2000...
June 2000
  Last update:  May 2010

Saturday, June 24, 2000

I'm struggling to find the truth. My Truth.

Each day I get up and go out, and I find another small part of myself.  Sometimes I find it in the sunrise on my way to work.  Sometimes it's in the look from a nameless face in a crowded mall.  Sometimes it's ugly.  Sometimes it's nice.  Ultimately, all of these pieces must fill this space I call Me.

It seems the more I look the more I find.  When I stay aware of my circumstances, I find pieces of me.  Even in my darkest hour, when I shut out the world, I find pieces of me there too.

I have started to realise, over the last few years, that my life is a process of discovery.  I am discovering me.  And you. And the world around us. 

Every piece of me exists right now.  Some I have discovered. Some I have yet to find. Somewhere out there, someone holds yet another small part of me.  Somewhere in the future we will meet. If I am aware that you might be there, then I will find what you have to give me.

I have something for you too.  Perhaps your being here, right now, is no coincidence.  Perhaps, as you walk with me, something I share with you will be a part of you too.  Ultimately, we are all guiding each other. Passively or actively, with fervour or in silence.  Everything we think affects how we feel, and therefore what we say and do.  Our behaviour affects our surrounds, and the people we meet.  These people react to what we do, and therefore affect others. 

Our actions are like ripples in the pond of life.  And we often don't even know the extent to which we've impacted the world.

We are powerful, you and I.

Sunday, June 25, 2000

I wrote this story ages ago.  In fact I started it back in 1988.  It has undergone many changes since then.  It sat in my drawer from 1993 until last year when I decided to rework it.  Today I reread the story and thought that, perhaps, there was something in it worth sharing.  I offer it freely, but ask that you e-mail me before using the material contained within.

If you enjoy the contents, please let me know.  I'd love to hear what you thought of it.

e-mail me and I will send you a copy of The Fi Dern Story

I've committed myself to the task of sharing with you my journey.  As I go forward from here I will write with honesty and openness.  Not everything I have to say and share may be of value.  Truthfully, nothing may be of value to you.  But this is an exercise for me.

I wish to go in search of someone I left behind a long time ago.  There are many reasons we parted ways. Most of them mine. Most of them selfish.  Most of them driven by fear. There have been times throughout my life when I've stopped just long enough to catch a glimpse - to remember.  But then the whoosh and roar of life sweeps me with it and I let myself be buried in the have-to-get-done's and the mustn't-forget-to's.  Of course, at any time I could have stood fast and committed my energy to finding him again.  At any time I could have decided that it was a matter of my own priority.  But I didn't.  Until now.

Now, with everything I am, I will go in search of that man on the beach.  I  will find that child on the side of the road. I will find the boy in the car and the teenager sitting with his head in his hands at the dinner table.  Somewhere I will track down the young man in distress and the soldier with the rifle.  I will embrace the shy asthmatic.  I will congratulate the graduate.  I will learn to listen to their cries across time.  I will seek forgiveness for ignoring their requests.

Most importantly, I will go back and learn to love them all.

With that commitment I start my journey.

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