Why am I so unhappy?

After a lifetime of struggling with myself, and trying to make sense of the life I am choosing, I still lack any real understanding about it all. 

Am I really making a difference?

On the surface, I have everything. A wonderful family, a successful career, a house up in the hills, my health ... hey, I even drive a Porsche!  I have been diving on the Great Barrier Reef, drifting a supercar at the edge of it's capability onto the main straight at Philip Island, I have travelled to 32 countries across the globe.  I have seen and done so much.  And yet...

My marriage is frustratingly hard work, my career seems to make no real difference 'out there', the house in the hills is a money pit in maintenance, I still wake up every day looking for the signs of leukaemia - 8 years on, and the car... well it costs me a bundle, and I wonder whether I am not being prudent with my money in the long term.

Perhaps it is just a matter of perspective.  Perhaps I should just go out every day, telling myself to stop worrying and get on with whatever it is I wish to do. 

But, then, am I really doing what I wish to do?

What is this gaping hole in my life I cannot seem to fill?  What the hell is it that nags at me when I am really happy?  What has it's hand around my heart, squeezing until it aches?

Why is there still such an emptiness? 

What have I not yet done?

Copyright:
All intellectual property on this site is owned by Kevin Ross unless otherwise stated.  Use of this information is restricted, and illegal unless express permission is given by the owner.